


The Asgardian Suicides

by ChloeMagea



Series: The woe of Loki Laufeyson and Sjöfn Heimdalldóttir [32]
Category: MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), loki-fansom
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Thor Needs a Hug, Thor POV, Tragedy, graphic description of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-13 23:57:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1245097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeMagea/pseuds/ChloeMagea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since I’m utterly horrible, and I live for angst and tragedy I wanted to write Sjöfn’s suicide attempt from Thor’s POV. I like to think her suicide attempt was a lot worse then anyone tells her because they all try to shield her from the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Asgardian Suicides

**Author's Note:**

> Obvious trigger warnings.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. Sjöfn, my friend who had never had anything other thoughts of me as a brother had kissed me. How could someone so beautiful taste like the depths of misery?

            “I can’t believe she kissed you.” Sif said from beside me as we walked down the golden hall, I could tell by her tone there was a hint of anger. It was no secrete I knew how Sif felt about me, but under that small glint of agitation for her friend there was concern. Sjöfn saw no one else but my late brother and even in his death I knew her heart belonged to him. Her love for him being the thing that drove her to kiss me. Wanting to touch anything that could be a hallow substitute for him, what closer thing then me?

            “It wasn’t just a simple kiss, it was the saddest thing I ever felt. And the pathetic thing is I didn’t even push her away.” I uttered putting my fingers to my mouth as if I could still feel the sorrow that lingered there. I felt sick, why didn’t I push her away? I knew that she loved my brother more then waking world but still I kissed her back and I knew that if she wouldn’t have come to her senses I would have done things, things that I would have never forgiven myself for. 

            “You’re hurting too, you lost your brother and your mortal….” Sif spoke trying her best to comfort me.  “You’ll make room for the pain and so will she, it’ll get better.” She tried to say but we both heard shouting coming from an adjacent hallway. We went to see what all of the noise was about, and my eyes looked up to see the door of Loki’s chambers wide open. I tried to figure out why guards where running inside.

            “What is the meaning of this?!” I yelled, angry that the door was open. It should have been locked out of respect for the dead. I was about to yell again but I saw one of them emerge from the golden doors with woman in his arms, the grey dress stained with blood.

            “Oh My Gods!” Sif gasped covering her mouth when the realization that the body belonged to Sjöfn. The other guard lifted her arms and the reason for his actions becoming apparent. I saw the ragged slits on her wrists, spouting blood like poison in the air. He was trying to stop it from draining out due to gravity. I reached my hands out and yanked her limp body from his hands. Sif and I didn’t speak only taking off down the hallway that seemed to stretch on forever.

            “I’m sorry….I’m sorry…” Sjöfn uttered in my hands shaking her head back and forth. I knew she wasn’t talking to me though, her eyes looked cloudy and she was losing a lot of blood. The crimson liquid slipping on the marble floor as we ran to the healers.  I felt her reach her small hand up to my face, her finger tips slipping down my cheek as she mumbled something incoherently. I kicked the door to the healing room open as hard as I could I can I saw the healers all quickly look over.

            “Help us!” I yelled, hearing the franticness in my own voice. The three of them rushed in to action and pulled her from my arms and laid her down.

            “How?” One of them yelped lifting her arms to try and slow the bleeding.

            “She tried to kill herself!” Sif choked out, her voice trammeling with fear as she stood in the corner crying. I went to wipe the sweat from brow and watched as they tried to stop the bleeding but it was as if Sjöfn was possessed yanking away from them and reaching up and towards something that wasn’t there. I knew she saw him, standing there in front of her due to her oxygen-starved brain.

            “Please. Please. Please.” She babbled trying to sit up and sobbing. Suddenly her body contorted, her back arching so far that it looked painful and then she dropped limp.

            “What happened!?” Sif screamed. “What happened!?” Then a sight of utter horror met my eyes, Sjöfn’s body started to seize violently the color leaving her skin and rendering her a dead grey.

            “She’s going in to shock!” The Lead Healer screamed trying her best to control the bleeding but her body flinging itsself violently made it almost impossible. I could hear her head banging repeatedly off of the table with echoing thuds. Sjöfn coughed and started to vomit on herself; sucking some of it back she started to choke on her own mess. Sif screamed, and the healers all yelled their hands too busy with stabilizing the bleeding that was starting to slow but it would mean nothing if she drowned. I instinctively stepped forward and got on the table behind her and lifted her up.  I did the best I could with her body thrashing, I wrapped my arms under her’s and tried to stabilize them so the healers could work on stopping the bleeding. Sjöfn bucked her head back and was still chocking so I was forced to push her head down so she wouldn’t sallow it. She made the worst noises, choking, garbling, and wheezing. I was a warrior, but this was something I didn’t know how to deal with.  This sorrow of wanting to die, my own brother had let go falling in to the void. His actions had disillusioned her mind causing it to grow septic like a disease made of nothing but despair. How could love cause her to cut herself open, how could it cause her to bleed and vomit as if she was worth nothing more then this? I rested my chin against the back of her head; I don’t know how long I held her. And I don’t now if she could hear me through the fog of her almost dying mind but I whispered to her, memories that we had all had as children a time before the pain had ruined us all.

            “Sjöfn,  you are my dear friend. Like my sister, please not like this…not like this. Please.” I uttered, softly feeling tears run down my face. I knew I couldn’t bear another Asgardian suicide.

            “Thor…Thor.” I heard Sif’s voice call me. I glanced up to realize that Sjöfn’s body was no longer twitching and the worst crossed my mind.

            “Is she?” I asked glancing down her at her stillness but I saw her chest rise and fall with a shallow breath.

            “She’s stable…we need to leave now.” She said her voice low and worn out, I looked at her, her armor was covered with blood and so were her hands. She had assisted with trying to stop the bleeding; I hadn’t really noticed anything while I held on to Sjöfn it was all a surreal blur. I glanced up at the lead healer and she nodded, I slowly laid Sjöfn back down and looked at her.

            “She’s comatose.” She uttered.

            “Will she awake?” I asked feeling nauseous at the metallic smell of blood and vomit that hung heavy in the air.

            “She had a good chance.” She uttered, wiping her hands. I felt Sif at my side as she ushered me out of the healing room, there noting to say only the long walk back down the hall in utter silence.

My mother would say that Sjöfn didn’t want to kill herself that night that it was a cry for help but she doesn’t know. She was wasn’t there and she didn’t see the anguish…but we knew..


End file.
